The Case of the Eccentric Elkhound Read online

  “Reality sets in, huh?” Chef Claire said, gently hugging the puppies to her chest.

  “You have no idea,” I said, chuckling. “But goodness gracious just look at them. They’re gorgeous.”

  I gently rubbed their heads and waved goodbye to Chef Claire. Jackson and Freddie also followed her out with a quick wave. As soon as they were out of earshot, my mother turned in her chair and glared at Howard.

  “What on earth is the matter with you?” she said.

  “What?” Howard said.

  “It was supposed to be a party, and you decide to turn it into an inquisition. What has gotten into you?”

  “I’m just tired of having a chief of police who can’t get out of his own way,” Howard said. “And just so you aren’t surprised when you hear about it, I’m going to bring up his dismissal at the next council meeting. And I think I’ve got the votes.”

  “Doesn’t the guy have enough to deal with at the moment?” my mother said.

  “Hey, we’re all dealing with a lot of stuff,” Howard said, then drained the rest of his cocktail.

  He’d had several, and I noticed his eyes were watery and his speech was beginning to slur.

  “Please, folks. Enough.” I said to both of them.

  “Thank you,” Josie said, also annoyed. “I think I might grab one of those brownies for dessert. You want one?”

  “No, I’m good,” I said, glancing down at my phone.

  “What are you doing, dear?” my mother said, nodding at the phone I was now holding.

  “I just need to respond to this text,” I said, typing a short message before putting the phone down. “There. All done.”

  My mother, mollified for the moment, sat back in her chair. Her mood was bordering on dark, and the last thing I wanted was to be the one to bear the brunt if she went off. Josie stood and started for the dessert table. She only got a few steps away before I called her back.

  “You know, maybe I will have a brownie,” I said.

  “Good call,” Josie said.

  “But you know what would make dessert really special?” I said.

  Josie thought for a minute.

  “Two brownies?”

  “No,” I said, laughing. “A scoop of mint chocolate chip.”

  “Oh, yeah. I’m in.”

  “I’ll go take a look to see if there’s a tub of it in the freezer,” I said, getting up. “Howard, you want to give me a hand?”

  “Sure,” he said, shrugging.

  He followed me into the kitchen. I headed straight for the freezer but paused before I opened the door.

  “Are you okay, Howard?” I said, turning around to face him.

  “I’m fine. Just a little buzzed.”

  “I couldn’t help but notice that you’ve been hitting the booze pretty hard lately,” I said.

  “That’s the funny thing about you, Suzy,” Howard said, laughing. “You can’t seem to help but notice a lot of things.”

  “Well, I am a bit of snooper,” I said, smiling. “And I just can’t seem to stop asking questions.”

  “That’s for sure,” he said, nodding.

  “Yeah,” I said, taking a deep breath. “Like the question of whether Calducci was already passed out on his houseboat when you found him or if the two of you had been drinking together most of the afternoon?”

  Howard’s face flushed, then he forced a smile and turned coy.

  “What on earth are you talking about?”

  “Howard. I know,” I whispered. “I still have a few questions and some loose ends to put together, but I know you killed Calducci.”

  “Are you drunk?”

  “No.”

  “Then it has to be insanity,” he said, barely managing a throaty chuckle.

  “Would you like to know how I figured it out?” I said, watching him closely as he began inching his way toward a large set of chef knives that sat near the edge of one of the prep areas.

  “Sure. I’ll humor you for a while.”

  “Like everybody else, I was convinced that the person who killed Calducci had to be someone from inside his operation. And I spent hours trying to figure out who had done it. But then I realized something. Everybody inside his organization seemed to like having Jimmy around, and they’re all very loyal to him. And nobody really had much to gain if he got taken out. In short, life was pretty good in and around Calducci’s world.”

  “Was it now?” Howard said. “How good was it for Dot?”

  “I did think she might have been behind it for a long time,” I said, nodding. “But like the rest of them, she has it pretty good. Well, about as good as any raging alcoholic could have it. In his own weird way, Jimmy took care of her. Kept a close eye on her. Made sure she was safe.”

  “He ruined her life,” Howard said.

  “Maybe he did. But Dot made her own life choices. And that’s something I’m sure you understand better than most of us.”

  “That’s a cheap shot, Suzy,” Howard said, his eyes flaring.

  “It’s not meant to be. It’s just a fact. All those years ago, Dot chose Calducci over you.”

  Howard laughed.

  “And that’s the reason I supposedly killed Jimmy? Because he stole my girl?”

  “No, I’m sure you came to terms with that a long time ago, Howard. You killed Calducci because he wanted a cut of your business.”

  Howard visibly flinched. He stared hard at me and rubbed his chin. It was clear that whatever he was thinking about doing would be highly unpleasant for me.

  “How on earth did you come up with that insane idea?”

  “I started to put it together after you lied to me,” I said, noticing for the first time just how quiet and empty the normally hectic kitchen was.

  “When did I lie to you?”

  “It was the afternoon Josie and I stopped by your place. You were taking inventory, and your bruises were still pretty fresh. I asked you about the last time you’d seen Calducci, and you said it had to be several years ago. Remember?”

  “Yeah, I remember,” he said, raising an eyebrow at me.

  “But you’d seen Calducci recently.”

  “How on earth would you know that?”

  “Because he stopped by your pharmacy to get a couple of his prescriptions refilled. I saw the bottles in one of the evidence bags in Freddie’s office. The date on the bottles was a couple of days before he died. My guess is that you were chatting, just catching up on old times, and Jimmy told you that he thinking about buying a place up here. Then he probably casually mentioned something about expanding his business interests. What did he want from you, Howard? Twenty percent?”

  “Twenty-five,” Howard said, snatching one of the large knives off the counter.

  I glanced down at the size of the knife he was extending toward my stomach and gulped. I looked around the empty kitchen, blinked into the harsh overhead lighting, then forced myself to relax.

  “You staged the robbery at your store, didn’t you?”

  “Very good, Suzy,” he said. “I have to hand it to you. Nobody was even close to figuring it out.”

  “Jackson would have got there eventually,” I said.

  “That moron?” he scoffed. “I seriously doubt it.”

  “Jackson’s just been preoccupied lately. It’s no excuse for not doing his job better, but I understand it.”

  “I guess we’ll have to agree to disagree. But none of that matters now,” he said.

  “Probably not. So what happened on the houseboat?” I said.

  “It was pretty much like you said. Jimmy had invited everybody out on his houseboat, but most people passed on the offer. By the time I got there, he was alone and passed out below deck. I’d brought along a couple bottles of pills I’d taken during the so-called robbery, and I stuffed them down his throat. Since they were painkillers he already had prescriptions for, I figured there was a good chance the cops and Freddie would classify it as an accidental overdose. And even if they didn’t, I’d
be the last person they’d be looking for. I forced the pills down, then I got back in my boat and left. It took all of five minutes.”

  “And you thought that would be the end of it,” I said.

  “Yes, I did.”

  I inched my way back toward the freezer door. Howard smiled and took a step closer. The knife remained only a foot away from my midsection.

  “But then Fatal Franny surprised you, didn’t she?”

  “She certainly did. She stopped by the pharmacy and told me that she was taking over and that I would still be on the hook for the twenty-five percent.”

  “So you decided to play along, and then you laid the charm on her and invited her out on the boat,” I said.

  “Everybody has to be good at something, Suzy,” he said, smiling. “I just happen to be good with women.”

  “And she was in the process of disrobing at Lover’s Cove and had to remove her gun and holster,” I said, fishing a bit, but knowing I was on the right track.

  “Very good,” he said, laughing. “I insisted. I told Franny that we didn’t want the gun going off in the middle of…well, you know.”

  “Yeah, I got it, Howard. And then you grabbed her gun and shot her right between the eyes.”

  “Yes, I did,” he said, his eyes glazing over momentarily as the memory returned. “I’ll never forget the look of shock on her face just before I pulled the trigger. I’m still having nightmares about it.”

  “And that’s why you’re drinking all day, right?”

  “I’m sure that’s a big part of it,” he said, pausing to give it some serious thought. “Hopefully, it’s just a temporary phase I’m going through. But I will say that I have a better understanding why Dot does it. It does help to kill the pain.”

  “I’m still confused about how you staged the attack and beating,” I said, determined to get him to tell the rest of the story.

  “I have to give myself a lot of credit for coming up with that,” he said. “But you and Josie and your dogs almost ruined that.”

  “So you were on shore the whole time?” I said, nodding.

  “Yeah, after I shot her, I dragged Franny’s body into a thick patch of brambles and then settled in next to her. My plan was to wait until dark, and then I heard the two of you stumbling around and hollering my name. At one point, the Newfie actually sniffed us out and was about ten feet away. But the brambles were really thick and had needles all over the place. The dog got his nose into one of them and then decided he had better things to do. I was glad he left. I would have hated shooting you and your dogs.”

  “Geez, Howard,” I said, bewildered by the mess my longtime friend had created. “What were you thinking?”

  “Self-preservation. Survival,” he said, shrugging. “I’ve worked too hard to give a chunk of my business away to a couple of lowlifes like Calducci and Franny.”

  “And you thought that it would eventually settle down and you’d get on with your life.”

  “Sure. But thanks to you, now I’m going to have to get on with the rest of it somewhere else.”

  “I’m sorry about that, Howard,” I said, shrugging. “But you killed two people.”

  “Yeah, you seem crushed, Suzy,” he said, chuckling.

  “And all the heat you were putting on Jackson was part of the plan. You figured that if you came across as indignant and angry that the murders weren’t being solved, you’d attract even less attention.”

  “That partially right. I still think Jackson is an idiot. But a self-righteous mayor outraged by the situation and doing his best to protect the reputation of Clay Bay and the safety of its residents is pretty hard to argue with.”

  “You’re right,” I said. “But I can’t for the life of me figure out how you made the fake attack work.”

  “That was brilliant, wasn’t it? I have a camp on Wellesley Island I use when I want to get away or have a liaison with somebody who needs to keep it a secret. And I have an old truck I keep there that I rarely drive into town. So the chances that anybody would see the truck and connect me to it were very low. I waited until it got dark, then I carried Franny’s body three miles through those woods. It almost killed me. She wasn’t a small woman. I spent most of the night recovering from that ordeal, then I wrapped her up in a tarp and tossed her in the back of the truck. When I got to town, I was about to put her body in the trunk of my car I had parked behind the pharmacy. Then I got lucky.”

  “Morrie the Meat Guy stopped at the gas station right next door to your place. And when he went inside you hung Franny from one of the hooks in the back of his truck,” I said, staring at him.

  “You are good,” Howard said. “Over the years, I’ve learned that Morrie loves to chat. And he and Charlie always spend at least twenty minutes catching up over a cup of coffee every time Morrie stops by to fill up. It was still dark, so I parked my truck next to Morrie’s and put Franny in the back. I remembered seeing it in a movie, and the idea just popped into my head.”

  “Goodfellas,” I said.

  “Yeah, that’s the one. Great movie,” he said, staring off into the distance momentarily before refocusing on me. “Then I drove back to my camp, inflicted a bunch of cuts and bruises on myself, then walked to the road that’s about a mile away, laid down by the side of the road, and waited for someone to find me. It took all day before they did, but it was okay. I needed to sleep anyway.”

  He laughed and glanced down at the knife he was holding. Then he nodded and looked at me.

  “So what now, Howard? Are you going to stab me?”

  “Not unless I have to, Suzy. I’d hate to have to hurt you. But I think spending a night in that freezer might be the best thing.”

  “I’d prefer the walk-in,” I said.

  “I’m sure you would,” he said, laughing as he wiggled the knife at me. “But let’s go with the sub-zero. It locks from the outside.”

  “How are you going to explain my disappearance tonight?”

  “That’s easy,” he said. “After I lock you in the freezer, I’m going to walk back out there, and tell Josie and your mother that you didn’t feel well and decided to go home.”

  “Do you think one night in there will kill me?” I said.

  “Gee, I hope not,” he said. “But in the morning when Chef Claire finds you in there, I’ll be long gone.”

  “Where are you going to go, Howard?”

  “Nice try, Suzy. I’m going to miss your ability to stick your nose where it doesn’t belong. It’s actually quite charming.”

  “You know, Howard. I’m going to miss you, too.”

  “Okay, that’s enough of a goodbye. Let’s get this over with,” he said, waving the knife at the freezer door.

  I nodded and turned around to open the freezer. I pulled the heavy door wide open and then turned back around to look at Howard. He seemed completely at peace with what he was about to do. So much for our being life-long friends.

  “Take care of yourself in there, Suzy,” he said, chuckling. “Maybe you should try cuddling up with a stack of those prime ribs.”

  “That’s a great idea.”

  Howard was startled by the deep voice behind him, and he wheeled around just in time to watch Rocco grab his wrist and snap it like a twig. The knife clattered to the floor, and Rocco kicked it away. Howard screamed in agony, and Rocco literally tossed him into the freezer, then closed and locked the door behind him. We could hear his muffled cries and shouts coming through the thick metal door.

  “Did you get all that?” I said, smiling at Rocco.

  “Every word,” he said. “I thought he’d never shut up.”

  “I probably could have done better with some of my questions, but that knife was pretty distracting.”

  “It’s a big knife,” he said. “But you did great.”

  “And you kept your promise of being around just in case I needed you.”

  “Well, after you sent that text, I figured something was up. And then I saw the two of you head to t
he kitchen. Good decision on your part.”

  “Thanks, Rocco.”

  My mother and Josie burst into the kitchen.

  “We heard somebody screaming,” my mother said.

  “Let me guess,” Josie said. “We’re out of the mint chocolate chip.”

  “Suzy just solved two murders,” Rocco said, beaming at me.

  “Calducci and Fatal Franny?” Josie said, wide-eyed.

  “Yeah,” Rocco said.

  “Really? Who is it?” my mother said, glancing around the empty kitchen.

  “Howard,” I said.

  “Howard?” my mother said, frowning as she staggered backward a couple of steps. “No way.”

  “Yes, Mom.”

  “Where the heck is he?” Josie said.

  “He’s in the freezer,” Rocco said.

  “Was that him screaming?” my mother said.

  “Yeah,” I said. “I think he hurt his wrist.”

  Rocco looked down at the floor and stifled a laugh.

  “I’m stunned,” my mother said, leaning against a counter. “Howard? Why on earth would he do that?”

  “Long story, Mom.”

  “All the good ones are, darling.”

  “Should we call Jackson?” Josie said.

  “Yeah, when we get around to it,” I said. “Let’s say we wait until Howard gets a good chill going. For now, let’s go have dessert, and I’ll try to catch you up on things.”

  “So, no ice cream, right?” Josie said.

  I shook my head at her and led all of us back to the dining room.

  Then we grabbed a tray of the brownies and decided that the bar was probably a better option.

  Epilogue

  Jackson appeared to be almost as happy dragging Howard out of the freezer to arrest him as he’d been giving Chef Claire the puppy. We’d let Howard hang out in the sub-zero for a couple of hours before calling Jackson, and after I saw our mayor shivering and clutching himself, I decided that I probably wouldn’t have survived a full night in there.

  My mother had polished off a couple of glasses of champagne, one more than her usual limit, and she’d worked herself into a frenzy, then taken the opportunity to badger and yell at Howard as soon as Jackson dragged him out of the freezer. Her harangue continued even after Jackson had stuffed him into the back of his police car. While I wasn’t surprised by some of the language my mother used, I was taken back a bit by some of the creative word-pairings she’d come up with on the spot.